This week I got to teach my first guided reading lesson. The only problem with this was that it was not a traditional guided reading lesson. In literacy class this week, we watched several videos on guided reading. When watching these videos, the first thing I noticed was that this was an opportunity for the students to do the work. The students should be doing all the reading during guided reading and the teacher should be playing a support role. The guided group that I was chosen to pull, did not get to experience this. I was asked to complete a portion of the district mandated science LDC in my group, which consisted of a scripted lesson, and me doing most of the reading to the students instead of them reading to me. I, being the tough critic that I am, thought that I really struggled with this lesson. First because it was not a traditional guided reading lesson, and second, because the size of the group was overwhelming. I had a group of 7 who were at the same DRA level, but were clearly not on the same performance level. I felt that I was spread too thin, and was not able to meet their needs because I had very little time to focus on each individual student; and they needed individual attention to complete this task. I had one student in the group, a child with autism, who needed me to give him individualized support, and would disrupt the group anytime I tried to help anyone else in the group. I had another student, who has social anxiety, who was seated so far away from the group that he could not actively participate. I had one other that did not need as much individualized support, was working independently and ahead, and was frustrated that the rest of the group was slowing him down, and another who was capable of working independently, but chose not to participate. I had a pretty good grasp of my student's needs, but was unable to fulfill them. I basically went home that night and reflected on how bad I had failed my students. All I could see was how they needed me to support them, and I was unable to accomplish that. Fortunately, my PRT came in that day for the lesson and she was able to make some observations and give me some really helpful feedback. When she and I met, she told me about some of the things I did, linked to behavior management, that she was impressed with. She also recommended, if my CT would allow, that I split the group in half, and give some re-assess some of the students to make sure that they are grouped appropriately. I agree with her suggestions and will be talking to my CT about making changes to the group. Getting feedback from an outside perspective was so important. When reflecting on my performance, I was unable to see the positive in what I had done, and allowed the negative to affect my self esteem. I want nothing more than to be everything my students need. After my own personal reflection and the feedback from my PRT, I was able to see the big picture, which is having a support group of my own to help and encourage me and to help me see myself from a different perspective. I am truly thankful that this program has provided me with an exceptional group of peers and professionals to help support me on my journey. From now on, I just need to remember that I have this community support and that I need to ask for help when I feel like I'm struggling. This week was very stressful but also very informative. The most important thing I've learned this week is that you are never as good as you think you are, but you are never as bad as your think you are either. Always seek an alternative perspective.
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